Yesterday was my first day of having the time to write at Quiet Space. I have been so busy unpacking, meeting local folk and friends visiting that I haven't really had time to be still.
I had taken all my poems in with me to edit and reading them back was difficult. The enormity of my journey these past 9 months consumed me all at once. It was as if grief were a chiffon scarf hovering above my head, the wind had stopped and now it slowly enveloped me. I felt my heavy heart falling down into my boots.
Tears started to sting my eyes but I realised that the open 'warts and all' nature of my studio would leave the whole high street in clear view of these emotions and that didn't feel comfortable. But I didn't stop the feelings, I didn't 'pull myself together' I gave them space to breathe.
I felt it was important to write about my feelings on facebook and to blog about them as part of my healing pathway because not all days are fluffy and brightly coloured. Some days are heavier and I want to be honest about it.
Having said that, out of the mist a deeper connection to self has occurred. It is ok to have blue days ... and I have woken up this morning with a new creative clarity forming. Gentle, healing, loving baby steps. All is well.