Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Fusion Inspire How did I get here? Part 2

The Gypsy Caravan at Morfa Isaf Farm

So, there we are at Morfa Isaf Farm, Emma, Suzanne and I, walking in the shimmering late afternoon sun along the winding lanes of Cardigan, until we reach the last field at the end of the track. 

We walked steathily across the grass and headed towards the cliff edge. On our way, Suzanne found a white feather in the grass.
              'They do say that if you find a white feather it means an angel has visited you today'

As I turned my head down, subconsciously seeing if any angels were visiting me too, I found a black feather!

'Typical, I've found a black one! What on earth does that mean! If a white one means you've been visited by an angel ... '

'Well, said Sue, 'the black feather is from the raven, an all seeing wisdom, bringing answers to our hidden thoughts'

'Mmmm, nice bit of spin doctoring there.' I joked.

We 3 linked arms and stood looking over the sea. It was magnificent. The Sun danced and twinkled on the wave rim as the sun sank so slowly that you could barely notice her moving. She was huge, somehow close to us, reaching out to the 3 women stood silouhetted by her warmth and glorious aura.

It was quite possibly one of the most moving and inspirational experiences of my life. We all opened up about who we thought the angels would be that would visit us ... very personal stories.

'How amazing is this that we are making time stand still,' I said, ' I never have time for beautiful moments like these in my life.'

It transpired that Emma is a Shaman Healer. She turned to me and asked,

'Why do you work so hard?'

I'm not sure why I was able, in that moment, to be so honest with myself, with her and Sue, certainly it was the first time I had acknowledged the real reason why I crammed my life full  ...

'I was very ill Emma, I nearly died but the Universe saved me, gave me a second chance .. and this is my way of thanking the Universe, showing my gratitude by taking what has been given to me as my 'gift' if you like, and to share it with as many people as possible, so that the Universe feels saving me was a good idea, that by working this hard and with so many to open access, that the Universe has a reason to let me wake up every morning, to let me stay.'

'But what if,' she replied, 'What if your gift IS the reason the Universe saved you. What if the Universe saved you just to be YOU.'

'Why on earth would the Universe save me to be me! It wouldn't be enough! Who would want to save me just to be me .... '

I found that I was crying, tears flowing down my face, we 3 stood silent arms re-linked, we watched the sun melt into the depths of the waters and lost ourselves in the rythm of quiet as we toyed with our thoughts.

My mind was more awake than it had ever been .... What if ... what if the Universe, just wanted me to be me! What if it was OK for me to do that? Wasn't it a bit selfish to have been saved and brought back to this life and then focus just on myself ... wasn't that a bit greedy!? Shouldn't I be on a crusade to help as many other people as I possibly could? Or was Emma right ... would I be able to reach as many people but in a different way simply by being who I am?

We stood comforted until the sun disappeared and walked back slowly to the party, where more people were gathered, chattering and laughing ... I joined the crowd but things had changed inside my heart ...

You know, my Nan use to say things 'don't happen by mistake' and I think she may have been right. Was it really pure chance that Sue and I found these significant feathers, in this setting with a Shaman healer at our side?

By Suzanne Hughes Owen

A few days later, Suzanne popped over to mine for a cuppa and she had painted me this picture in her art class at Pwerdi/ The Power House in Pontwelli, where she is on the committee. I framed the picture and hung in my kitchen because whilst on this journey, when I have doubted myself, her artwork reminds me of the magnitude of that day, the happiness I felt in my heart and the completeness I envisaged at the thought of allowing myself to simply BE ...

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