This beautiful painting by Cecile Agnes is exactly how my tinnitus, hyperacusis and hearing loss diganosis has me feeling right now.
Following my last blog, giving an insight into my diagnosis, I am now in a state of transition.
How I live and relate to the world feels as if it is changing and I am unnerved by it, but certain that once the paint stops running, something beautiful will emerge to take flight.
I think it is the butterfly on the lip that speaks to me. If the lips move the butterfly will fly away or into my mouth ... in this painting she must keep completely still or lose the butterfly. I have an overwhelming sense of needing to be still.
The butterfly under eye representing that the tears shed in this transition can be a different kind of beautiful.
And the butterfly flying towards her on the right ... almost translucent, but never the less, a messenger coming with the joy of new beginnings.
Her eyes are open and attentive, looking ... I think mine have been closed, & in denial up until now.
This week I told 3 of the people that contract me about my condition, cancelled some jobs, changed the shape of others. I told the children in school and the clients in my Creative Writing Workshop that I am losing my hearing and may not be able to hear them.
Everyone was absolutely lovely about it. The ceiling did not collapse, the walls did not come caving in and the floor is still beneath me.
It is time to self nurture.