One Red Curl At A Time

With the arrival of Wiggy ... I find myself climbing into the central character of my new story Mother Moon. And in so doing, allow her to crawl her way out of me :)

I won't necessarily wear this for the Reflective Practice Assessment this month at Uni. I will be the storyteller. I am still deciding if the storyteller is me, a character in her own right, an extension of me, an extension of the character or the character herself. Whichever, I have decided that it is important to understand and stay true to the nature, history and form of storytelling, whilst pushing its boundaries a little. 

But I will wear Wiggy for a foto shoot on the beach, with blue contact lenses and a nude coloured vintage, victorian, silk slip, bare feet by the sea in New Quay, where the story is written. 

And in so doing will feel the character, will live her, breathe her. How very Stanislavsky of me! As my lovely friend, painter, poet & mask maker, Bríd Wyldearth said to me only yesterday, I will even know what she had for breakfast! 

And in knowing and being the character in this way, she can be fully present in the storytelling, whichever style of performance I choose, because I will know, deep inside, and I will be the window to her for the audience and those who share the story... well, that's the plan anyway!

Later, post assessment when the story lives on without the pressure of assessment, I want to then find an illustrator to use the photographs to make a beautiful piece of artwork based on these so that I and the character feature on the fliers/posters.

One red curl at a time!

I am not alone at the Butterfly Ball

When I woke up this morning and checked my facebook messages, which is where I post my blogs, I was blown away by the number of people who had taken the time to write to me to say how my Harlequin Hare post had resonated with them and that they had been inspired by it. WOW!

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. When our expereinces are collective in this way, they become political (with a small p) a shared and collective expereince and it gives hope somehow inside when we feel we are not alone but part of a community, a collective. We are all at The Butterfly Ball together!

And then my friend Dom Atreides, Editor of Welsh Icons online magazine, posted this on my facebook wall .... 

... Proving once and for all that you can always trust a little green frog to remind you that Love & Understanding are the most important ingredients of any Butterfly Ball! lol.

Harlequin Hare: An overview of my first term on the MA Drama

So, here I am at the end of my first term of my MA Drama at the Atrium and it’s been a rocky ol’ ride. 

There have moments where I have just wanted to walk out and moments where I have been in tears for discovering more about my craft than I could have imagined. 

There have been moments where I have felt completely stupid, serving as a painful reminder of my childhood, to moments where I feel immense pride in the strong woman I have become. 

I have learnt to question my own creativity in a way that is similar to facing yourself in a truth mirror and through this journey, I have come to realise through all my lectures and sessions, observations, theatre goings, discussions with fellow students, reading and research, that I am ...

The Harlequin Hare

Who is the Harlequin Hare?  A character in a children’s book called The Butterfly Ball and The Grasshopper’s Feast (1973) based on the work of William Roscoe (1807) published by Jonathon Cape Ltd, London.  The book is primarily, a beautiful collection of illustrations designed by Alan Aldridge, with print plates prepared in collaboration with Harry Willcock and poetic verses by William Plomer. At the end of term, fellow student Ray Thomas, brought in the book for our adaptation lessons with Richard Hand and when I saw this picture of the Harlequin Hare I completely identified with him!

It is as if this term, slowly but surely, I have taken off each of the things I do and placed them on a table, even the Harlequin suit, and now I am stood as the Bare Hare, weighing up what, if any of it, I put back on, how I put it back on and why? Yes, why! Usually, my answers to why? Are: ‘because I like it’ ‘because the audience likes it’  but now I am looking very closely at what does each aspect of what I include within a creative piece, give specifically to this creative piece, within the context of its artistic contribution; what is the inherent iconography of the pieces included and what does the overall piece give that is bigger than the sum of those parts.

Let’s face it, we can see very clearly, that it will not be long before this poor ol’ Harlequin Hare in the illustration, gets tired and that the drum on his back will get heavier and heavier, the sound of the cymbals in his ears will lose their joyful ring, he will not be able to sleep for the sound of bells on his feet.

I have adapted the verses written by William Plomer for this illustration in the book and added my own to explain. I have not followed the same metre as William, as my words are like a contemporary extension granted planning permission on an old building; an extension that should work well with the old, but be very obviously new:

Harlequin Hare

Written by William Plomer (1973)

Adapted & extended by Cheryl Beer (2013)

Here I am

Here I come

I’m Harlequin Hare

I jingle and jangle, tinkle and strum

I’m mad and enjoy it

I make them all stare

Turning head over heels

now and then in mid-air

The madder the gladder’s my motto

As all who see me agree

I prance and I dance, and I caracole on

With cymbals and bells and accordion

You can bet that I’ll be

In good time tonight for the Butterfly Ball

Harlequin Hare

Will be there, will be there

I’m a one-woman band

Who dances & sings

I’m all that they ask

And I giggle at things

But what if drop

Both whistle and bell?

Drum, laid out before me

My cymbals as well

And then, had to choose?

Which things should I keep?

And which could I lose?

Now organised, neatly

A new market stall

Re-dressing my soul

For The Butterfly Ball

Perhaps I should think

What it might truly mean

For a hare to run free

With the sun dancing stream

To breathe in the meadows

With daises and corn

To sing with the moon

And dance for the morn

And how will they feel

When their Harlequin Hare

Is naked to fur

Skin & flesh bare?

Who will juggle their chaos

Patch up the thread bare?

Will I still be me

If I live on fresh air?

Would they rather pay

For me to stay

In their cage

Bowed down with commitment

And chained to their stage

Oh, but I have loved it there ...

For children all jump

And sing out with glee

When they hear my drum

And see ‘Harlequin’ me

The question is this:

Will they still care

For a stripped back and naked

Bare, Harlequin Hare?

During our lessons in Performance Live Art with Branislava Kuburovic,  she asked me the following, and I thank her for helping me to face some hard truth.

‘Why are you trying to fit together so many different artistic concepts? You have 4 beautiful ideas and you are in danger of ruining them all by overcrowding. This is about making your own creative piece. You are not organising the festival now.’

And it was the line ‘you are not in the festival now’ that touched me somewhere very deeply, and I had to leave the room for a moment to re-gain composure, because, to some extent, my life as well as my career,  has been become structured in such a way that I always feel that I am ‘organising the festival’ ; that I am the circus that bends over backwards to please and include everyone. I make a living this way and have done for a very long time.

Since this class, I have spent many nights lying awake wondering about it and I think it stems right back to my role in my family as a child. It has always been my role to make everyone smile, laugh, help them to keep their chin up regardless of how I feel inside. So, I have developed this other me, a ‘me’ who always tap dances and does jazz hands just to keep things afloat. A ‘me’ who couldn’t possibly let anyone else down, a ‘me’ who says yes to everyone but myself, a ‘me’ who does not allow herself to take off all the instruments and the harlequin suit and lay them on a market stall,  because without them, how could I carry out my role in the world, how could I function? And who would want me? Who would want the Bare Hare? Indeed, only a very small handful of people in my world, actually ever see her.

And then it occurs to me, in looking at the picture of this beautiful creature, as she is sat, ready to run free across the fields, that I must not only analyse the elements of my craft, but devise ways of being able to put them on and take them off, because quite frankly, I rather like the idea of running and skipping and jumping through daisy infused meadows!

In reading what I have written back to myself, I can see I have still missed the point!! What if ... running free through the corn fields IS my craft! Wow! What if I stripped right back, and being ‘just me’ with no whistle and bells, is enough. Oh God, I daren’t even nearly think it!

I am learning so much about myself, my craft, the structure of the business and making the time to pursue the research to enable me to grow. This term I have been weeding, pulling down the brambles that have grown around the roses. It has been hard work. But now the flower beds have space. My feeling is that next term will be about re-planting.

The Call for Moons

                                                                                                              Foto by Eiona Roberts

Part of my MA Drama is Reflective Practice. We have 2 practical assessments as 'work in progress' and then a final BIG production at the end of the MA. I would really like to take my story The Tethered Fairy Ring through for my final piece & am working on developing it, but for Reflective Practice 1, I have written a specific story to take to production that will enable me to push my boundaries and try out some of the things we have been learning this term.

I won't tell you the story of my 'Mother Moon' because that would ruin it for you, should you come to see it live, but I would like to share here some of the stories that contribute to the end production.

The first being ... The Call for Moons!

I put a shout out on facebook for pictures of moons and would like to thank ...

Eiona Roberts
Rhian Roberts
Jo Day Lewis
Mike Richrads
Darren Boxer
Michelle Jones
Paul Adams

... who did not hesitate to send me their beautiful moon photographs. I was so excited to receive them that I have already made a projection film which will be central to the story 'Mother Moon' production. I would like it to be projected onto the floor but I don't think that this will be practically possible, so will probably use a screen. I can hear the music in my head and can't wait to get into my studio to compose and record it.

I am so touched by the generosity of these photographers to jump to help me with my assignment with their wonderful pictures of the actual real MOON!!!

Thank you Photo Gallery

 showcasing one picture each from 

of the photographers:

 Michelle Jones

Jo Day Lewis

Mike Richards

Eiona Roberts

Darren Boxer

Rhian Roberts

Paul Adams

Let go of the story you're telling yourself ...

Gosh, time has flown! I can't believe it's nearly the end of term and I have not made one blog post in here since starting my MA Drama. But I'm going to be absolutely honest with you, there is a reason for that!

When I got to Uni, I immediately felt as though I had made completely the wrong decision! I wanted to leave! Here's why!

I had a dream ... or should I say, the teenage me had a dream, which the grown up me had held onto and nurtured. T'was a dream wrapped in fairy dust and fluff. T'was a dream that had been shelved up in the loft of my mind, a dream covered in cobwebs and dust. Quite frankly, t'was a dream that was made before the advent of Information Technology and this was my first MAJOR hurdle! EVERYTHING was on line! The library, a teaching support system called Blackboard ... It wasn't the teaching material, no, on the contrary, that was challenging and inspirational, it was that all the 'support' was on line! I needed support to be able to access the support!

Then there was the little matter of class structure! I had been told that there would be at least 12 people from all different walks of creative life on the MA. I had told myself a wonderful story with a narrative about how I would meet lots of new friends and build an exciting new, vibrant and cultured social life based in Cardiff. 

But when we started, there was only 4 of us! Yes, 4 of us including me! And the other 3 were MEN!!! My visions of hooking up with my new girl chums for hazy afternoons of shopping and mad nights of dancing, faded ... 

ALL MEN! Now then, I have absolutely nothing against men, I was married to one for over 20 years, my lovely Grandad was one. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Junior often feature in my dreams 

(but not all at once, I may add!) 

                                                                      Robert Phwoar!

...  I do not spend hours on end in a group of just men. I just don't! I work in the voluntary sector, in the statutory sector, in community arts which is predominantly women. I work in education, I am the Director of a Women's Music Festival!

I was so ready to leave at this point. All I kept saying to myself was 'This isn't how I dreamt it!' 

There wasn't a single day where something didn't happen that made me feel completely and utterly stupid! I mean, for my entire career, I have built this incredible tool kit that can get me through just about anything, any situation ... but there was nothing in my tool kit that could prepare me for this!

And then my friend, Lunar Rage, gave me a fabulous piece of advice ... 'Let go of the story your're telling yourself and work out if you still want to be there.' and it was then that I realized that I was totally consumed by my crafted 'dream' narrative. 

It really helped because when I said on facebook that I was struggling, literally scores of people wrote to me saying that I should leave if I wanted to and this gave me permission to make the choice. And my choice was .... TO STAY!

So, why did I choose to stay at Uni?

The first reason I stayed is because it transpired that the 3 men in the class with me are absolutely amazing people! They are committed, hard working, passionate about drama, kind, caring, supportive team players. They are wonderful people to work with and to spend time with. They are funny and clever and creative and dedicated. In short, I totally respect them as artists and as people and feel very blessed to have landed into this quadruplet!

The second reason is because the teaching team are absolutely AMAZING! What a privilidge to be in such a small class and receive individually taliored tutorship from gifted creatives. One of the tutors promised 'an intellectual orgasm' in his class, and he wasn't wrong! Inspirational, role models.

The third reason is because it is so exciting to learn new things! I didn't come to Uni to get Accreditation for Prior Learning! I came to Uni to learn new things, to challenge myself, it's just that Mother Universe has slipped in a few challenges that I wasn't prepared for and realising how exciting this new learning experience is, has been central to deciding to stay.

The fourth reason is because I started to access the people team behind the internet! Student Services, Education Office, Subject Librarian, all really supportive people, real people, who understand about struggling students.

The fifth reason is that I actually enjoyed my first assignment in Creative & Cultural Entrepreneurship! I am learning new things that are totally relevant to me in the field. 

Already, I believe more in my ability as a business woman. I have had access to Bright Ideas seminars, funding and find the challenge of the assignments exciting rather than daunting: an opportunity to find out all the things I need to know to develop within my life as an artist. 

And guess what, first assignment I got a DISTINCTION!! (only just! 70%) but hey, JEEZ!!! I can not believe it!!! There I was feeling like completely stupid and it seems .... I'm not! NO, I am not! I am NOT completely stupid. (Smiling a big warm smile right now)

Other reasons for staying are, that if I can help it, I never actually leave anything. When I was a teenager, I left everything. True to say, that when the going got remotely tough, I would be nowhere to be seen ... and I confronted this about myself in my late teens.As a result, I have not allowed myself to leave anything throughout my entire life, even if it has been causing me extreme pain! So, I had to look really carefully at whether or not staying at Uni was just of my inherent mantra. It wasn't. It was a genuine desire to learn and be challenged in new ways.

... I am writing, and writing and writing ... new stories for production development. I am so excited about the prospect of experimenting with Drama and Story to see if I can create an interactive storytelling experience with depth, that captures children and adults.

The other night, me, Josh, Denis and Ray (the now-famous 4) were working on a script and performed it in a disused car park under one of the college buildings on a dark Friday night! The lighting was broken, we were using the green emergency lighting to its best effect. 

I could have never have imagined that! That would never have featured in my dream! How would it! It is not something I have ever experienced, it is not something I KNOW!! It is exciting and new and dangerous, and edgy and challenging and makes my heart beat faster!

So, my friends, if you have started something new and you're finding it hard to settle in, why not do as Lunar advised me; Let go of the story you are telling or have been telling yourself, look at what is happening for you in the now, understand all of what the now can offer you and then decide if, in its actual form, your new situation is what you want. 

If it is ... great, if not, move on.

>

My MA Drama is NOT The Fame Academy, I am not Coco! Needless to say, there is nothing or no-one stopping me from donning my florescent leg warmers and dancing through the corridors of The Atrium. Conclusion? Make every experience, your own!

Living the secret dream

 

 Heaven's Atrium!

 

 

Last year, having my individual mainline grant from The Arts Council of Wales changed my world. It opened up my eyes to the depths and reach of my own creativity and brought me home to my artistic self.

 

When my funding finished, I knew that I had to hold onto that space in my life to create and make and write and be ... for ME! To make space just for myself, because it is who I am and what makes me feel most alive. I learnt that it is not selfish to make space for oneself to create, it is essential.

 

I reflected on the year & thought back to the child me, who wanted to perform, who joined St. Mary's Players at the age of 12 and played the lead for 5 years, the school girl happy to be in drama class and to the young woman who longed to pursue drama as a career.

 

But my family felt it was important for me to build what they insisted was a 'proper' career to 'fall back on'. 30 years ago, things were different; there weren't courses like there are now in performing arts. Working class girls from the estate, had done very well indeed if they were offered a place to train as a nurse, and as I was offered a place to train as a nurse,  that is precisely what I did.

 

I don't regret that for one moment. My creativity has always eeked it's way through ...

 

I wrote an age appropriate intergenerational pantomime, campaign poems with other student nurses, played in a band and in the stillness of the nursing accommodation block, I wrote my little songs on my guitar.

 

And then, after nursing, my first degree in Behavioural Sciences, a post graduate diploma in Careers Education (ironically!) and then a Masters in Social Science & Economics ...

When I got into my late 20's, I decided to throw in the towel as Director of WISE & join the circus, going full time into the world of mainstream music ... and it was fab, I toured with amazing people and had a wild old time.

 

When I was in my 30's I was offered the opportunity to get involved in community arts and from that time my life has become completely immersed in this type of work, to the extent that I have developed from a person who delivered workshops in a team or individually, to a person who has been a Song Consultant, Musical Director, Artistic Director and now a Creative Director.

 

People say to me ... 'You're so lucky to be following your dream.' But actually, if I'm absolutely honest, I stopped following my true, inner dream when I was 19 & did as my family felt best.

 

What I realised after my year of the Individual Mainline Grant, is that throughout my life, I have cobbled together the kind of dream that people like me, are allowed to dream; my dreams have been constrained by stereotype ; denying my longing to have pursued what was my inner most desire, a dream that I believed was out of my reach: drama.

 

I always say to people, 'How do you know about the Arts if you haven't experienced them?' and I came to ask myself the same question!

 

What informed choices have I been making in my life about my creativity? I have learnt from the opportunities that have arisen or from those I have made happen, but with no formal training in the performing arts, how do I know that I am all of what I might be?

And it is this train of thought that led me to apply for  a Foundation Degree in Performing Arts/Drama.

 

I went for the interview /audition and for the first time in my life, I felt as if I was a round peg in a round hole! I was able just to be ME! And no one found that odd or strange!

 

The tutor leading the interview gave me the most amazing feedback and I left there flying.

She said that drama was my gift!

 

I could have cried! In fact I did. The one thing that had been my hidden secret dream inside my soul, was my 'gift'.  I swear I walked taller that day.

 

She asked me why I was applying for a foundation degree and not the MA in Drama. I couldn't believe it! I said to her that I would never have the confidence to apply for the Masters Degree in Drama. She explained that she had done the course and loved it. She felt strongly that I should apply. I thanked her, but said that I could never even imagine applying.

 

When I got home, she had kindly emailed me saying that she would love for me to come onto her course , but if I could build the confidence to do so, I should contact The Atrium; she sent me the details of the course and number of the course tutor of the MA,  and asked me just to ring him for a chat.

 

So, I took a big breath and decided that I would!

 

I spoke to him at length and he said he could not see me for a chat unless I applied for the course.

 

I had nothing to lose, so I applied, telling hardly anyone about my secret! Secret in that I would barley tell a living breathing soul, so convinced was I, that I wouldn't get in, and it would be embarrassing having to tell everyone that I had been turned down!

 

And then I went for the interview ...

 

The Atrium is absolutely stunning! The facilities are out of this world. And as part of the Masters Degree in Drama,  I can also do a module in Film ... when I saw the film studio facilities I nearly fell over!

 

The Theatre spaces are AMAZING!!!

I was now fully at the golden gates of my dreams, my real in-depth, personal daren't tell anyone case I jinx it dreams.

 

Still, I told just a tiny handful of people about the interview experience. I swear I went to bed that night holding my breath!

 

And then, the next morning, it came!!! MY offer!

 

I am going to The Atrium in Cardiff in September to study the full time MA in Drama.

 

I quite simply can not believe it.

 

 

 

Thank you thank you thank you thankyou thankyou .... I want to type this a thousand million times .... thank you thank you thank you thankyou ...

 

Thank you for welcoming me to The Atrium to live my dream. I will now structure my life for the next year to give 110% of myself to the MA  Drama. I am more excited than a bottle of pop!

 

Funny thing is, I blog and write about my life on facebook almost every day. But this special personal thing has been mine now for nearly a month without me sharing it, because it was so special to me, that I wanted to cradle it in my arms and hold it close to myself before telling the world that dreams really do come true.


Additional Thanks to:

The Arts Council of Wales & Welsh Gov.t

To Suzanne Griffiths Rees: for supporting me with my Individual Mainline Grant
To Kate Strudwick for what must have been a glowing reference.
To Katie Marx at Bridgend College for building my confidence

 

 

MOOCHING AROUND MINSK QUIZ?

 

Whilst in Minsk we had a bit of a mooch around.

Now then, I expect we were told by the translators what some of these things are, what their significance is ...

 

But sadly, I didn't take notes & I can't remember!

 

 ... This sculpture, for instance, was above the shopping centre ... that's all I can tell you!

And this is the Volunteer Team sat by ...

a fountain!

 

I love this sculpture of ... ?

 

This is my attempt at an arty shot 

in the City Centre

 

This magnificent sculpture is outside a church

 

This beautiful church ...

but I'm afraid I don't know what it's called!

Ah, now then, I do know that this is an Opera House/House of Culture and it is on one of the many bank notes of Belarus. It really is an awesome building but it was closed so we couldn't get in for a look

 

I took quite a few pictures of the very impressive sculptures outside this building ...

 Which, it transpired, was a zoo,  so I'm not going to put them up ...

 

This is a very famous writer ... I don't know who! But this sculpture was HUGE and took my breath away, sitting under the willow in the park.

What a wonderful tribute.

 

I'm starting to think this could be a quiz!

If you know who and where these pics were taken, please write and say!

 

This is part of a 2nd World War Memorial

in the underground and below is the picture taken above the memorial.

 

 

And this is a poster of some meerkats on the underground, which hasn't come out very well, but made me smile so I thought I'd share it.

The Little Bird Headstone Appeal

 

foto of Alesya & Val Cousins

 

When I got back home, I decided to put this post on my facebook wall ...

 

 

 

Friends, Can you help?

 

While I was in Belarus, Leaves-of Hope Director,  Val Cousins took us to the grave of a little girl

she had befriended.

 

Whilst Val was back in the UK, this little girl got appendicitis and was left ill.

 

It became peritonitis and she died.

 

When Val returned to visit her, her body had been left on a rubbish tip!

 

Val found her and fought for

a pauper's grave for the child.

 

This week, we cleared the overgrown grave because, if it is not looked after,

then her body will be removed

and the space allocated to someone else!

 

In order to stop this from happening,

we need to raise the money to buy a permanent gravestone for the child as she currently has a temporary wooden cross.

 

Val is finding out the cost

of a tombstone this week.

 

At the end of our trip, we left all our leftover cash with her to start the fund raising for the head stone, but I am hoping that you would also like to help Leaves of Hope to give this child the dignity she deserves in her own grave.

 

If you would like to help, please inbox me and I will give you the details of how you can make a donation. Thank you

 

And by the evening, the £520.00 we needed to do this was raised!

 

In fact, we went over the target and the funds are now being held by the charity to help with funeral costs of any other orphaned children who have the sad misfortune to die with no one to care about how or where they are buried.

 

Isn't it wonderful to know that facebook/the internet can be a tool where humans can do amazing things when they pull together.

 

Being buried, is a basic, human right, that we all take for granted.

 

Being undisturbed in our final resting place is something we expect as a given.

 

At least now, Alesya can rest in peace with our love. Thank you to everyone who made donations.

 

If you would like to make a donation please look at the Leaves of Hope website for .

 

http://www.leaves-of-hope.co.uk/

 

A thank you from the British Ambassador at The Embassy

Leaves of Hope Charity Director

Val Cousins (Far Left)

 arranged for us to visit The British Ambassador

at The Embassy in Minsk

to thank us for our work

with the children at the orphanage.

The young people in the team were awarded certificates for their achievements as we had morning tea & cakes.

 

 

When I was growing up on the estate,

wondering what my life would be like,

 I could have never have imagined for one minute that I would be the kind of woman who supported young people to work in an orphanage, that I would make music with orphaned children in Belarus, that I would be thanked by a British Ambassador in the Embassy in Minsk!

 

I wonder, what Miss Brown the old Head Teacher at the Girls' School would make if it, having told me I was best suited to asking my Saturday job manager if I could carry on after school finished and work full time on his tills!  

 

Thank goodness I  continued to have the sense

not to listen to her!

 

Bless her, trapped in her middle class stereotypes!

 

Not that there's anything wrong with working on the tills, I quite enjoyed it, we use to have a giggle every Saturday, but it was the very fact that she expected nothing from me, because of who I was and where I lived, that drove me to go to college, university and to follow my heart rather than listen to my head ... or hers'!

 

And friends, there's a lesson in there, somewhere!