Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Thinking time ...

I will be spending some time this week thinking about the live performance of ...

Fusion Inspire: the dragon tree.

I have all the pieces pretty much sewn up. Just 2 more film shoots and I have been editing & recording like a good 'un ... but I need to think very carefully about how to fit it all together.
I am already beginning to fill with dread when I think about the live performance. This is something people know very little about with me. I suffer terribly with my nerves. When I'm in the middle of writing, I am happy as Larry but as soon as I think about performance, all the old demons come creeping in!
It's really hard to explain. No doubt my loved ones will say, what they usually say, 'Oh, it will be fine,' and yes, it usually is, but I get crippled by a feeling of inadequacy. I suppose I'm quite hard on myself, much harder than I would be with anyone else, and I know, as the time approaches, I will even question why I have repeatedly put myself in this position throughout my life!
Then afterwards, it's a buzz, a high, euphoria and all the stress and nerves seem a hundred miles away. Then I start the process all over again and repeatedly find myself in this position of 'Strewth-can-it-pull-this-off!'
So when I think it all through in these coming weeks, I want to structure the performance in such a way that I won't be wracked with nerves and biting a hole in my lip! The chewing has already started!
I suppose one way of dealing with it will be to focus on that euphoric feeling afterwards. I'm also asking myself where these feelings come from. And I think I know exactly where they started! I will re-visit this place and see if I can undo the pattern, or re-shape it. Will keep you posted on how it feels!

Any advice from people with similar experiences and how you have dealt with it, would be gratefully received!

Thanks friends :)

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