Tinnitus: The Unwelcome Gift?

Tinnitus is a bit of a bugger. I'm not going to lie. It keeps me awake all night because once my hearing aids come out, it is much, much worse than when they are in, but I have to say, in the exhaustion, the fatigue, the endless hours laying awake with sirens blaring in my head, all manner of creative ideas, stories, poems and songs arrive from this bleak darkness. 

It's as if there are crocodile clips attached to my brain and I am fully wired, being charged up with electricity all night, whirring around my synapses in wild ribbons of tangled rainbows. And all of this activity carves a route, a network that leads me to the central cortex, where, laying in a precious casket, is the one truth of who I am ... 

In many ways, this extra thinking, extra over working brain, this sleepless, creative matrix, is a gift given to me by my tinnitus, though I wish she could give it to me more quietly. Perhaps sometimes, the one thing that destroys us, is the one thing that makes us stronger.

Out of this all consuming din, comes strength, love, resilience. Every atom of my body rallies together to send me healing in the form of these beautiful little stories and poems, mantra and songs. I am so grateful to my body, my heart and soul for this incredible rescue remedy, sending the mind stories, poems, songs and ideas to ease the pain.

Popular Facebook Live Bedtime Stories : The Sunflower

Friends, I share with you here, my popular FACEBOOK LIVE Bedtime Story, The Sunflower, taken from my new book 'Soul Seeds, Planting Heartfelt Stories'. You can find out more about my books and purchase them from HERE.

If you like my blog, why not add me as a chum on facebook . It is always lovely to see you.

WOMBSONG: The Embodiment of Self as Nature Intended

                                         Sound Icon, Bottom Right Corner of Video.

I am so excited to share with you my new video: a creative collaboration between myself and Embodiment Coach, Esther Arends from the Netherlands.

Esther Arends. Photo by Larry Lindahl

For those of you who regularly read my blog, you will know that I have been rebuilding my life since becoming suddenly deaf nearly 2 years ago, with tinnitus & hyperacusis. At first, I thought I would never be a musician again. This saddened me because I have composed music and written songs for my entire life. Slowly but surely, I have reconnected to ways in which I can still sing and play instruments.

My relationship with guitar started in a classroom hut, planted amongst the Wheatfields of our primary school in the 1970's, where a hippy inspired Mr Green took us down 'Streets of London' with his humming & strumming. I went home and persuaded my Mum that I needed a guitar and she saved up the child benefit allowance to scrape together enough money to get one for me. It never left my side. I have toured the world with subsequent guitars, performing in stadiums through to orphanages, wild adventures to acts of loving kindness.

Cheryl & her Guitar: Touring India

But complications with my hearing loss have made playing guitar nigh on impossible. When I change chords, the sound of the strings on the frets is so painful, that it becomes torture.

I missed my guitar and she missed me. She stopped smiling and so did I, until one day, I wondered how it would be, to find just one chord that did not trigger my sound distortion and play it gently, without changing chords at all. I sat for hours feeling the vibration of the guitar body against mine, a familiar friend back in my arms, and then it happened; out popped a melody and with it the words 'I can hear Mother Earth calling, I can hear my womb calling ... ' 

Reunited with my Strings

I ran upstairs to my studio and asked Jeff, my partner and sound engineer for 30 years, to turn on the microphone. It hadn't been used in such a long time. I knew I could only manage one live take, so however it came out, would be exactly how it was. 

Afterwards, I listened back to my one chord and humble vocal. I could hear in my heart, the beat of a drum, but I couldn't play to record it, as my  drum was too loud for my tinnitus and hyperacusis. I put a blanket over my drum skin and played with a muffled beater ... to be honest, I recorded it more with luck than judgment. Then I decided to record a second voice, this time using a voice I have 'found' in the facial cavaties ... it's very strange when I sing in this place because I can only really hear it through my hearing aids, which makes it feel somehow disconnected from me ... and so I visualise this voice travelling down through me, until it buries itself and me into the earth.

Musically, WOMBSONG is far from perfect, but there was something so honest about doing everything in one take, accepting that whatever came, simply is and being grateful for that. The feeling of being enough, however small or imperfect.

I finished the recording session and kept the song to one side. Slowly but surely, it has become part of a collection of humble offerings that I am recording when they sing out to me from my inner self.

www.estherarends.com

And then, this week, I connected with my facebook friend, Esther Arends, an Embodiment Coach from the Netherlands. She had shared on her wall, a beautiful little film that she had made on her iphone. I immediately fell in love with the organic nature of her capture; randomly, her filming preserved a moment of simply being, embodying the dance as if it were as natural as a blade of grass or a clover leaf. 

As I watched Esther's film in silence, inside I could hear my WOMBSONG. I played the 2 together ... it was so gentle, so magical that it made me weep, not with sadness but with the beauty of humanity; humans being themselves, without pretence. Esther's dance and my song had come from the same place.

So, I wrote to her and told her my story, asking her if we might collaborate. She listened to my little song alongside her film and felt the same way as I had. I was delighted. Esther sent me the film and I have edited us together, as one, so that you can watch it with us.

WOMBSONG as a collaboration, is the embodiment of humans just as nature intended. Random, free and beautiful. Thank you Esther, for your beautiful light. I'm so pleased to be here on Earth at the same time as you.

Even when my mouth is silent: A loving tribute amongst musicians

I am beside myself with loving excitement. Pedro Kaldini of the Pembrokeshire based band SENDELICA has just contacted me to let me know that they have released an AMAZING tribute to my life long career in music (sadly thwarted by my hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis). 

It seems I have become an honorary member of the Sendelica family archive and oh, how my heart is moved by this astonishing piece. I mean, I would absolutely love it even if it wasn't me on it! 

And what's more, the 15 minute re-mix of a jam session I did with them is ...and I can barely breathe typing this, on PINK, YES PINK, VINYL

What a kind, loving, beautiful and ever lasting gesture of  love and respect; a respect that musicians hold for each other in their hearts. Boys, you are stars in my cosmos, my brothers.

New Film Collaboration

I am always excited about my work but tomorrow I will be especially excited because Film Maker Bill Taylor-Beales is coming over to see me so that we can have a chat about collaborating in making some videos for my new Creative & Mindful Business Venture. I have been working tirelessly on the project for over a year, devising an inspirational online resource to help others and am so close to being ready to open the doors.

Bill & I have already made one very exciting piece for my website, held under wraps until the launch later this year. We have been working remotely by telephone and email which has motivated us to meet up tomorrow and talk possibilities.

Meanwhile ... why not pop over to my Bandcamp and check out my back catalogue Celebrating 40 years as a songwriter.

Studio Days, Puppies & PJ's

How utterly and gorgeously fabulous to have this opportunity to use my studio for ME!!!

I know it sounds ridiculous but I quite honestly can not recall the last time that I was in my studio with an engineer with enough time to experiement and get comfortable. If I record my stuff usually it will be inbetween or slipped in after other people's work, community work, favours.

My Individual Mainline Grant has enbaled me to take the time to sketch songs in the studio which means I can carefully think about which musicians I want to join me on this creative journey ...

It enables me to have an Engineer to work with

on my own material!

And most importantly it gives me the luxury of sitting crossed legged on the floor of my studio, with my uke and my puppy, still in my PJ's getting down my ideas.

In these shots we're recording 'Mad Man' which is the track based in St.David's when Dafydd our main character will be stumbling to the Cathedral for guidance.

Contemporary Dance Film Shoot at Bishop's Palace, St.David's Cathedral, Cultural Olympiad

As part of the Cultural Olympiad,

LegaC Contemporary Dancers with

Arts Care Gofal Celf

had a site rehearsal on the day of the Event.

They had already invited me to film them and use some of the footage for my production as a film scape, but the weather kept filming at bay.

You can read in my earlier blog telling how we ended up in Whitland Town Hall!

 But on the day of the Cultural Olympiad Launch the sunshine kissed St.David's beautifully.

Bishop's Palace came alive.

However, it was very hard for me to get any film footage that I could use for my production because ...

People were wearing plain clothes, or walking across me .. it was their reheasrsal and so I decided to stay in the background.

Even so, I haven't been through all my film footage yet ... but I'm sure I will be able to get some amazing shots on slow motion.

This piece on the stairs was absolutely stunning  on film. Everyone had gargoyle masks on.

The section where the dancers caught the wind and danced with their wings looked amazing on film .. bit harder to catch with stills though!

Look how dance fills everyone with joy!

Afterwards, back stage, I did manage to get some AWESOME film footage asking dancers to do specific things, but they were exhausted and resting for their performance, so I only filmed them if they felt able.

Arts Care Gofal Celf Dance Co-ordinator,

Laura Hackett, asked me to take a few informal shots back stage.

'Cauldrons and Furnaces'

And then LUNCH!

Or filming for Chez, ME ...

This little lad will represent our character

Dafydd as a child.

The hat and scarf travel through films with the walking stick.

 

Others did what dancers do when they are relaxing! Head Stands off course! lol!

The girls sat chatting ...

... or snoozing

It was very touching to watch some of the dancers supporting each other with extra rehearsals.

And then onto the business of making oneself blend into the stone  ...

  

The Bishop's Palace.

These are the 39 Steps ...

I need to film my character Dafydd crawling up these steps! This is where I want to bring actor,  Simon Morgan Thomas

when we have good weather. 

Oh and I must show you these Bell Ringers who were absolutely wonderful.

I'm thinking they could record a piece with me to signify the bells ringing at the bottom of Cardigan Bay as part of the opening piece: The Legend of the Lost Lowlands. I spoke to the leader and hopefully she will email me.

Meanwhile in town, the streets were absolutely packed with procession and pilgrimage.

On my way home I stopped off at the beach to watch a kite fly across the blue ...

And to sneak one of nature's trinkets into my pocket to remind me of my wonderfully creative day ...

 Thank you Arts Care Gofal Celf

LegaC Contemporary Dancers

& all the wonderful team!

What Fun!

THIS COULD BE YOU! 

If you want to join a dance class,

or you want to get involved in ANY community arts in Carmarthenshire or Pembrokeshire,

why not contact Arts Care Gofal Celf.

www.artscare.co.uk