Hyperacusis Awareness: A Personal Insight

Hello there, friends. This video is a facebook live from my talk tonight about Hyperacusis, what it is, how it impacts my life, why I think we need to be mindful of it as a society, as well as some suggestions as to how we can do to create access ... 

WOMBSONG: The Embodiment of Self as Nature Intended

                                         Sound Icon, Bottom Right Corner of Video.

I am so excited to share with you my new video: a creative collaboration between myself and Embodiment Coach, Esther Arends from the Netherlands.

Esther Arends. Photo by Larry Lindahl

For those of you who regularly read my blog, you will know that I have been rebuilding my life since becoming suddenly deaf nearly 2 years ago, with tinnitus & hyperacusis. At first, I thought I would never be a musician again. This saddened me because I have composed music and written songs for my entire life. Slowly but surely, I have reconnected to ways in which I can still sing and play instruments.

My relationship with guitar started in a classroom hut, planted amongst the Wheatfields of our primary school in the 1970's, where a hippy inspired Mr Green took us down 'Streets of London' with his humming & strumming. I went home and persuaded my Mum that I needed a guitar and she saved up the child benefit allowance to scrape together enough money to get one for me. It never left my side. I have toured the world with subsequent guitars, performing in stadiums through to orphanages, wild adventures to acts of loving kindness.

Cheryl & her Guitar: Touring India

But complications with my hearing loss have made playing guitar nigh on impossible. When I change chords, the sound of the strings on the frets is so painful, that it becomes torture.

I missed my guitar and she missed me. She stopped smiling and so did I, until one day, I wondered how it would be, to find just one chord that did not trigger my sound distortion and play it gently, without changing chords at all. I sat for hours feeling the vibration of the guitar body against mine, a familiar friend back in my arms, and then it happened; out popped a melody and with it the words 'I can hear Mother Earth calling, I can hear my womb calling ... ' 

Reunited with my Strings

I ran upstairs to my studio and asked Jeff, my partner and sound engineer for 30 years, to turn on the microphone. It hadn't been used in such a long time. I knew I could only manage one live take, so however it came out, would be exactly how it was. 

Afterwards, I listened back to my one chord and humble vocal. I could hear in my heart, the beat of a drum, but I couldn't play to record it, as my  drum was too loud for my tinnitus and hyperacusis. I put a blanket over my drum skin and played with a muffled beater ... to be honest, I recorded it more with luck than judgment. Then I decided to record a second voice, this time using a voice I have 'found' in the facial cavaties ... it's very strange when I sing in this place because I can only really hear it through my hearing aids, which makes it feel somehow disconnected from me ... and so I visualise this voice travelling down through me, until it buries itself and me into the earth.

Musically, WOMBSONG is far from perfect, but there was something so honest about doing everything in one take, accepting that whatever came, simply is and being grateful for that. The feeling of being enough, however small or imperfect.

I finished the recording session and kept the song to one side. Slowly but surely, it has become part of a collection of humble offerings that I am recording when they sing out to me from my inner self.

www.estherarends.com

And then, this week, I connected with my facebook friend, Esther Arends, an Embodiment Coach from the Netherlands. She had shared on her wall, a beautiful little film that she had made on her iphone. I immediately fell in love with the organic nature of her capture; randomly, her filming preserved a moment of simply being, embodying the dance as if it were as natural as a blade of grass or a clover leaf. 

As I watched Esther's film in silence, inside I could hear my WOMBSONG. I played the 2 together ... it was so gentle, so magical that it made me weep, not with sadness but with the beauty of humanity; humans being themselves, without pretence. Esther's dance and my song had come from the same place.

So, I wrote to her and told her my story, asking her if we might collaborate. She listened to my little song alongside her film and felt the same way as I had. I was delighted. Esther sent me the film and I have edited us together, as one, so that you can watch it with us.

WOMBSONG as a collaboration, is the embodiment of humans just as nature intended. Random, free and beautiful. Thank you Esther, for your beautiful light. I'm so pleased to be here on Earth at the same time as you.

SOUL INK READINGS AT MY FACEBOOK LIVE: The quest for creative, disability friendly platforms

The quest for disability friendly platforms continues and I am finding it quite exciting. My hyperacusis means that being in large crowded theatres and venues has become untenable, mostly because theatres sadly do not have the equipment I need to able to access performance. So, unperturbed, I am currently exploring ways that I can work from the quiet of home and yet still creatively connect with people who might be interested in my work.

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I have spent some time re-vamping my youtube and now today, I am going to try and get to grips with FACEBOOK LIVE!! I am a tad nervous but in a good way.

The first thing I have done is opened a Cheryl Beer SOUL INK page dedicated just to my writing. This is an enormous step for me. Deep down, I have this feeling that my little humble offerings are not really going to be of any worth, so I tend to push them to one side and make myself too busy, by helping everyone else. But then this week, I went for an Angel Card Reading with the lovely Mandy Hawkins and what came up was that I need to 'turn up the volume and allow myself to shine'. Well, I started crying when she said it. The very thought of focusing on my own work quite frankly, makes me almost giddy. But, I'm not one to argue with angels and whether you believe in angel card readings or not, Mandy's loving encouragement and ability to switch on my sparkle, was really beautiful.

Anyway, I digress, so, I opened the writers page and over 200 people joined within 24 hours ... which was just MIND BLOWING and gave me affirmation that I am walking the right pathway.

So, tonight at 6.30pm I am going to see if I can get facebook live to work. I have no idea what I'm doing but I am guessing we can all learn together.

The idea is that I will be able to give interactive readings from my new SOUL INK book, sharing with folks that leave messages in my feed whilst filming. What a lovely way to connect with folk.

If you'd like SOUL INK reading, just pop on over and LIKE MY PAGE.

If you're intrigued and would like to find out more about me, why not click the link and pop to my website ... 

                                                                     

Published by Parlour Press

This song really is a miracle : SOUL INK

I am so excited to share with you the first of my new creative films. 

SOUL INK really is a miracle.

I am currently working on a new Collection called Sacred Songs. In my deepest heart, I knew that I had to nurture some way of capturing my healing inner voice, so I have been developing techniques using Nada & Bhakti Yoga, Chakra Tuning & Reiki, to re-find myself in amongst the internal noise and distortion of my sudden hearing loss, tinnitus and debilitating hyperacusis. 

The results have had a truly beautiful effect on my life. It makes me weep to be able to hear and sense my own voice again and I realise that before this, a huge part of my identity had been closed away in a dark cage. That's why it feels important to find ways of sharing my sacred songs, because it might inspire or help others who are facing the same health challenges as I am.

In addition to devising new ways to sing, I then found a handpan maker in Bristol (Tala Handpan) who created an instrument that suits my hearing tolerances. This has opened up a whole new world for me, and enabled me to start writing songs again. I can't tell you what a difference that has made to my heart.

With my lifelong partner, Jeff, I went into our home studio and miraculously, found new hearing- friendly  ways of recording, tailored around my disability. The result is a humble, authentic offering from the healing soul of a woman. It is a joy to nurture and watch it grow.

When I came to think about the visuals for the first song of the collection, SOUL INK, I saw a wonderful time lapse of a self portrait by Bill Taylor Beales, who luckily was a facebook friend, so I sent him a photo of the side of my head, showing my hearing aids and commissioned him to time lapse the drawing of the picture, with the hearing aid being drawn in last ... I was so pleased with his work, what a lovely artist. I then edited the film to match the song and I think it is a beautifully creative, yet quiet way of explaining me and my work ... so, I have put it as the explainer video on my newly re-vamped Youtube Film Channel.

I will write my name

With the ink

Of my soul

Every word a sacred promise

Made from the darkness

Every word a ladder

To the light

Take these angels wings

And learn to fly

You can break these angel wings

And I'll still stry

You can see Bill's work here ...   www.hushlandcreative.com/bill

You can catch up with Jeff Beer on facebook.

Somatics and Tinnitus: Bodywork and Movement

This week, a friend kindly contacted me about a youtube clip she had seen concerning the benefits of tinnitus and somatics.  The thing is, there is no medication, treatment or way of reducing or eliminating  tinnitus. I have learnt to live with it by nourishing my soul. When my spirit is uplifted, so I am better able to deal with my condition. 

Sadly, a whole business has developed of so called specialists trying to sell us 'The Cure' so I am skeptical having tried everything from flicking myself on the back of my head, to patches, to special hearing tablets, you name it and none of it comes cheap ... However, I have had somatic treatment before for my back and it was successful. Here's the video that my friend sent ...

Somatics was developed by Thomas Hann and is based on neuro-muscular education using a technique known as pandiculation to release involuntary muscle contraction. In easy speak, as far as I can tell, the body learns certain movements to protect itself and actually, over time, these can be counter productive.

According to Dr Mandell, who is the Doctor in the video clip,  tinnitus sufferers can get relief by relaxing the big muscles in the neck through movements because these have become tense. I can see that. It makes sense to me. 

So, given that my tinnitus is classified as severe and debilitating, that is, 24/7 non stop and about 5 different conflicting tones, and given that I live with hyperacusis, a sound distortion, as a complication, I decided to go to Darren Gibbs, a Somatic Educator in Haverfordwest. It is Darren that I have seen before.

It was a lovely session with Darren lasting about an hour and a half, costing £40 and I did feel calm and relaxed afterwards but truth is, it had absolutely no effect on my tinnitus. However, the session DID teach me something very important that I have not noticed about my body's reaction to hearing loss and I think this may help others, so I will share it.

During a somatic session, one becomes acutely aware of how the body is reacting and every time Darren was giving me instructions, I noticed that my stomach muscles clenched, my face frowned and I held my breath, listening so intensely in case I did not hear him. A bit like as if I was preparing to open a stiff jar. I did not need this intense effort to hear him. In fact, I was so concerned about listening to all the words to make sure I caught them all, that I didn't really hear him at all ... so once I had noticed this, I stopped clenching my stomach, dropped my frown, smiled, started to breathe, sat back and felt relaxed, likely the fist time I have felt relaxed listening to someone since my sudden hearing loss. Listening is an holistic experience and by focusing so intensely on hearing every word, I was missing something of the joy of it as an interaction. 

I started to wonder how it must be for people in conversations with me; my face frowned, stomach clenched, concentrating on their every word in case I miss any. How oddly intense it must be for people. I apologise now to all my friends  who must have wondered where the old me had gone. Well, I'm back. And that's how it feels, like I have let go of worrying about whether or not I can hear you. So, the good news is, that although I might have to ask you to repeat a few things, I will no longer be scowling at you. Instead smiling and enjoying how beautiful you are.

So, thanks Darren, that was an extremely valuable thing to learn. Oh and yesterday, Darren sent me an email with lots of tips and movements for me to maintain ... will keep you posted folks as to any other interesting finds.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I hope your days are filled with moments of pure love, for love is what makes it all worthwhile.

The Joy of Human Kindness

Singer/Songwriter Miranda Betts

I am so excited. One of the hardest things since developing Hyperacusis has been that I am unable to take part or listen to live music. 

After a lifetime of living through music, this is sometimes hard to swallow, though I am building ways back to a musical life. 

It's not so much  the performance that is a problem but the audience response ... clapping, laughing, or people tapping feet on the floor  ... all these can set my hyperacusis raging, which renders me with sound distortion for days, to the point where I can not even tolerate my own voice,

Sometimes, when I have had the courage, I ask friends if they will sing for me. It feels like a really odd request because we just don't ask our friends to sit and sing for us. I'm not sure why because frankly, it's a marvellous idea. As children, my Mother would sing for us, my Grandmother sang for us. I would sing for them ... we were a singing house.

And then last week, I told my dear friend Miranda Betts, a Singer/Songwriter who pens the most beautiful songs, how awkward I felt asking and she very kindly offered to pop round and sing for me. And tomorrow lunchtime is the day that she is coming.

I wonder if I might be able to sing with her. Oh my days, the very thought of hearing Miranda sing and being able to join in, is making every cell of my body shine.

Such joy in human kindness. Thankyou Miranda.

Earth Angel Tree of Life Talking Sticks

Living with the sudden onset of hearing loss, the ritual of making talking sticks has been such a welcome addition to my world. 

With Christmas fast approaching, it feels like the right time to send my Earth Angel Tree of Life Talking Sticks off into the world to find new souls to empower. If I close my eyes, I can visualise a community who take the time to listen to each other. 

When Grandfather Speaks by Alfredo Rodriguez

The talking stick is ceremonially made by the speaker, with all that is felt in the heart and is held with the intent to empower the sharing of one's voice. In response, all others welcome a respectful space for listening intently to the speaker. Utterly beautiful ritual of communication.

In many ways, a talking stick could be equally known as a Listening Stick. No-one may answer until the talking stick is passed to them, at which point they are granted the same respect.

And so in the long nights,  as a distraction from my tinnitus and hyperacusis, I set about making a collection of talking sticks that represented the empowerment of the Earth Angel within.

My Earth Angel, Tree of Life Talking Sticks are made from driftwood that I have lovingly collected from Cei Bach, my favourite beach here in West Wales and are the very bones of a Fallen Tree who became the centre focus in one of my stories from my new anthology Earth Angel: Stories to Inspire, which is currently with the Editor.

The driftwood bones are wrapped in Llanwennog wool, spun from sheep that I can see from my home studio, on the distant green hills. The wool is hand dyed in the colours of the autumn coastline.

Each piece has woven into it, a Tibetan Silver Tree of Life charm to give gratitude to the magnificence of trees and their constant gift of breath.

As I was making them, it dawned on me that each one is not only a talking stick but a magic wand, for in re-birthing the broken parts of a fallen tree, so I was re-building the broken parts of myself.

Earth Angel, Tree of Life Talking Sticks are now available at my Quiet Space Studio Facebook Shop. 



They come with a hand printed & hand written information card and are wrapped with paper that I have infused with Frankincense Essential Oils. If you would like more details, please click the link & come on over to my Quiet Space Studio Shop  ...

The accepting kindness of children

Musician in Residence at Zhodina Orphanage Foto by Val Cousins

It is so wonderful to be working with children again. After 30 years of facilitating music and story workshops, I had to hang up my fairy wings in March, due to hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis. 

The Tethered Fairy ring

I honestly didn't think I would ever be able to return.

Tramore Street Festival, Ireland

It literally broke my heart. Inspiring the children via The Arts has been at the core of my lifetime career. Music, Story, Song, Poetry all being the magic that brought joy but all too noisy for my hyperacusis.

Children's Storytelling Trail, NBGW

Having a hearing aid has made all the difference and I am having a 2nd on in a week's time, too! The sound levels outside of me, are now increased to normal, which means the tinnitus in my head is less noticeable, so the dissonance from the hyperacusis is reduced radically when I wear my hearing aid.

Suffice to say, that I am now back in school, learning new ways to engage with the children.

The Art Hand, Bunmahon, Ireland

I have also learnt sign language which has really helped , and I have shifted my body language ...

Llanelli Library

... but the thing that has helped me most of all, is the incredible kindness and consideration of the children . Like this morning, my hearing aid fell out whilst in front of the class. I was mortified. Firstly I felt myself blush. I think I was embarrassed. I quickly picked it up and fumbled trying to put it back in. I couldn't get it to work and then suddenly it came back on. 

              'Euston, we back online,' I joked.

The point is, everything was fine. So, the next time it happens I won't blush and I won't fumble. I will just calmly put it back in. The children were so lovely about it. They sat quietly waiting for me to put it back in, with warm 'don't worry' smiles on their little faces. They are accepting of difference in such a way that it is moving and slowly, I can feel my confidence returning. Yes, I am deaf but I am not less than I was. Just different ... 

Earth Angel Tinnitus : An Holistic Arts Mentoring Course for those living with Tinnitus & Hyperacusis

Living with my hearing loss is one thing, but living with severe tinnitus and hyperacusis are another. The constant noises in my head and the distortion of sounds within that range, have at times, pushed me so close to the edge that I have felt as if I were losing my sense of self.

On New Year's Eve, in a tiny temple on the hills of the West Wales countryside, I had nothing short of a spiritual awakening that turned my soul around.

I awoke New Year's Day fully committed to dedicating myself to devising a healing practice for my tinnitus and hyperacusis and what's more, that once I was well enough, I would share this practice with others and raise awareness of the condition.

And it fills my heart with love that I am now so close to finishing my first Holistic Arts Course. I have designed it specifically to Mentor others with Tinnitus based on the healing practice that has saved me and given me back my life from tinnitus & hyperacusis. 

It will be available soon on CD or as a Download. I am just finishing the design work for the packaging.

Helping others pull themselves back from the same brink that I found myself teetering on, feels so right. 

If you would like more details of my work you can pop over to my website or look me up on facebook. All love to you.

It's the little things

I know it seems like such a small thing, but yesterday I took delivery of my new little cards for my friendship bracelets and it really has made my aching heart sing. 

To be honest, it's been a bit of a tough week. My hyperacusis kicked in really badly 2 days ago. It is even difficult to type today as the sound of the keys are amplified so loud. The tough thing is there is nothing I can do about it other than be still and trust that it will calm down again. I have had to take out my hearing aid as it is making it worse. Even though I feel like the lights have been turned off, I just have to breathe and accept that this pathway is up and down with ebb and flow. 

Meanwhile, the postman turns up with my little envelope seals and it makes me smile so much that it doesn't matter that everything is distorting in my head.

Holistic creativity is the key to living life with a smile, even when smiling is at its' furthest from your heart. 

Not all days are fluffy

Yesterday was my first day of having the time to write at Quiet Space. I have been so busy unpacking, meeting local folk and friends visiting that I haven't really had time to be still. 

I had taken all my poems in with me to edit and reading them back was difficult. The enormity of my journey these past 9 months consumed me all at once. It was as if grief were a chiffon scarf hovering above my head, the wind had stopped and now it slowly enveloped me. I felt my heavy heart falling down into my boots. 

Tears started to sting my eyes but I realised that the open 'warts and all' nature of my studio would leave the whole high street in clear view of these emotions and that didn't feel comfortable. But I didn't stop the feelings, I didn't 'pull myself together' I gave them space to breathe.

I felt it was important to write about my feelings on facebook and to blog about them as part of my healing pathway because not all days are fluffy and brightly coloured. Some days are heavier and I want to be honest about it.

Having said that, out of the mist a deeper connection to self has occurred. It is ok to have blue days ...  and I have woken up this morning with a new creative clarity forming. Gentle, healing, loving baby steps. All is well.

New Mentor Package for Tinnitus Sufferers

It has been a difficult 9 months coming to terms with hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but from the outset, it felt very important to write about my healing pathways,  so that I could help others. 

Working from my diaries, I have written a Tinnitus Mentoring Course and tonight, I have been in the studio for the first time since losing my hearing, to record what will be Earth Angel Tinnitus.

It is made up of Four Arts & Holistic Therapy Mentor Sessions. I have nearly 30 years of experience in writing Arts & Health Training Packages as an Arts Consultant and am a qualified Sound Therapist, as well as Reiki Practitioner. This professional background, combined with my personal experience of hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis, sit well together in one CD package that supports others in coming to terms with their condition and helps them to create a nurturing environment within which to heal.

Tonight, I have recorded the Introduction and Mentor Session One with the loving support of my lifelong creative partner, Jeff Beer who sound engineers for me and is upstairs now mixing down the first recording, bless him.

If you are interested in pre-ordering a copy of the CD once is it is finished feel free to drop me a line at earthangeltinnitus@gmail.com

Work as Nurture: Quiet Space Studio & Gallery

The more my tinnitus and hyperacusis have taken a grip of my life, the more and more isolated I have felt myself becoming and so I made the decision to be my own Arts Consultant in a cunning plan to find solutions.

I have been an Arts Consultant working the field of Health and Well Being for 30 years and yet oddly, I seemed to have forgotten this incredible resource of self in my own healing process.

So, I thought long and hard about what I would advise and support someone with my needs.

The first thing was to write down everything I can still do, rather than that which I can't do anymore.

For instance, instead of saying 'I can't drive very far anymore.' I asked myself .. 'How far can you drive comfortably?' and the answer to this is ... to the village and back.

Right then, I need to be based in the village. Most importantly, I need to be in control of the sound environment within which I am based and my place of work tailored around my needs for meditation, creativity and aromatherapy. 

Mmm ... I know, a Tinnitus & Hyperacusis friendly Studio and Gallery within which to create a healing environment for myself and potentially down the line, for others.

Very quickly after I had set my intentions, a beautiful little shop that I have often lusted after as a studio/gallery came on the market for rent in the village. The Universe had heard me and agreed that the time is now. I can work here to write and publish books. I can make things and paint, sell quirky pre-loved things that I have love collecting, start a Grandma's Sewing cupboard for vintage needlework accessories, display and sell my beautiful beads from around the world. I can exhibit my work but most of all ... I can simply 'be'. I feel so excited to be taking this step back into the world instead of retreating into my shell.

You can read about the ongoing journey at www.quietspace.weebly.com though I will leave more personal indepth blogging here, my Quiet Space Blog shows the daily challenges and joys of setting up a Studio and Gallery in a village. I would love for you to pop over and see how it's all going.

If you are struggling with a change in your health needs I know first hand how frightening it can be. I offer one to one Creative Business Advice through my Consultancy Small Talk Your Big Ideas . For more details or to book a session, feel free to get in touch.