Sunday, 2 September 2018
Tinnitus: The Unwelcome Gift?
Tinnitus is a bit of a bugger. I'm not going to lie. It keeps me awake all night because once my hearing aids come out, it is much, much worse than when they are in, but I have to say, in the exhaustion, the fatigue, the endless hours laying awake with sirens blaring in my head, all manner of creative ideas, stories, poems and songs arrive from this bleak darkness.
It's as if there are crocodile clips attached to my brain and I am fully wired, being charged up with electricity all night, whirring around my synapses in wild ribbons of tangled rainbows. And all of this activity carves a route, a network that leads me to the central cortex, where, laying in a precious casket, is the one truth of who I am ...
In many ways, this extra thinking, extra over working brain, this sleepless, creative matrix, is a gift given to me by my tinnitus, though I wish she could give it to me more quietly. Perhaps sometimes, the one thing that destroys us, is the one thing that makes us stronger.
Out of this all consuming din, comes strength, love, resilience. Every atom of my body rallies together to send me healing in the form of these beautiful little stories and poems, mantra and songs. I am so grateful to my body, my heart and soul for this incredible rescue remedy, sending the mind stories, poems, songs and ideas to ease the pain.