SOUL INK READINGS AT MY FACEBOOK LIVE: The quest for creative, disability friendly platforms

The quest for disability friendly platforms continues and I am finding it quite exciting. My hyperacusis means that being in large crowded theatres and venues has become untenable, mostly because theatres sadly do not have the equipment I need to able to access performance. So, unperturbed, I am currently exploring ways that I can work from the quiet of home and yet still creatively connect with people who might be interested in my work.

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I have spent some time re-vamping my youtube and now today, I am going to try and get to grips with FACEBOOK LIVE!! I am a tad nervous but in a good way.

The first thing I have done is opened a Cheryl Beer SOUL INK page dedicated just to my writing. This is an enormous step for me. Deep down, I have this feeling that my little humble offerings are not really going to be of any worth, so I tend to push them to one side and make myself too busy, by helping everyone else. But then this week, I went for an Angel Card Reading with the lovely Mandy Hawkins and what came up was that I need to 'turn up the volume and allow myself to shine'. Well, I started crying when she said it. The very thought of focusing on my own work quite frankly, makes me almost giddy. But, I'm not one to argue with angels and whether you believe in angel card readings or not, Mandy's loving encouragement and ability to switch on my sparkle, was really beautiful.

Anyway, I digress, so, I opened the writers page and over 200 people joined within 24 hours ... which was just MIND BLOWING and gave me affirmation that I am walking the right pathway.

So, tonight at 6.30pm I am going to see if I can get facebook live to work. I have no idea what I'm doing but I am guessing we can all learn together.

The idea is that I will be able to give interactive readings from my new SOUL INK book, sharing with folks that leave messages in my feed whilst filming. What a lovely way to connect with folk.

If you'd like SOUL INK reading, just pop on over and LIKE MY PAGE.

If you're intrigued and would like to find out more about me, why not click the link and pop to my website ... 

                                                                     

Published by Parlour Press

This song really is a miracle : SOUL INK

I am so excited to share with you the first of my new creative films. 

SOUL INK really is a miracle.

I am currently working on a new Collection called Sacred Songs. In my deepest heart, I knew that I had to nurture some way of capturing my healing inner voice, so I have been developing techniques using Nada & Bhakti Yoga, Chakra Tuning & Reiki, to re-find myself in amongst the internal noise and distortion of my sudden hearing loss, tinnitus and debilitating hyperacusis. 

The results have had a truly beautiful effect on my life. It makes me weep to be able to hear and sense my own voice again and I realise that before this, a huge part of my identity had been closed away in a dark cage. That's why it feels important to find ways of sharing my sacred songs, because it might inspire or help others who are facing the same health challenges as I am.

In addition to devising new ways to sing, I then found a handpan maker in Bristol (Tala Handpan) who created an instrument that suits my hearing tolerances. This has opened up a whole new world for me, and enabled me to start writing songs again. I can't tell you what a difference that has made to my heart.

With my lifelong partner, Jeff, I went into our home studio and miraculously, found new hearing- friendly  ways of recording, tailored around my disability. The result is a humble, authentic offering from the healing soul of a woman. It is a joy to nurture and watch it grow.

When I came to think about the visuals for the first song of the collection, SOUL INK, I saw a wonderful time lapse of a self portrait by Bill Taylor Beales, who luckily was a facebook friend, so I sent him a photo of the side of my head, showing my hearing aids and commissioned him to time lapse the drawing of the picture, with the hearing aid being drawn in last ... I was so pleased with his work, what a lovely artist. I then edited the film to match the song and I think it is a beautifully creative, yet quiet way of explaining me and my work ... so, I have put it as the explainer video on my newly re-vamped Youtube Film Channel.

I will write my name

With the ink

Of my soul

Every word a sacred promise

Made from the darkness

Every word a ladder

To the light

Take these angels wings

And learn to fly

You can break these angel wings

And I'll still stry

You can see Bill's work here ...   www.hushlandcreative.com/bill

You can catch up with Jeff Beer on facebook.

Earth Angel Tree of Life Talking Sticks

Living with the sudden onset of hearing loss, the ritual of making talking sticks has been such a welcome addition to my world. 

With Christmas fast approaching, it feels like the right time to send my Earth Angel Tree of Life Talking Sticks off into the world to find new souls to empower. If I close my eyes, I can visualise a community who take the time to listen to each other. 

When Grandfather Speaks by Alfredo Rodriguez

The talking stick is ceremonially made by the speaker, with all that is felt in the heart and is held with the intent to empower the sharing of one's voice. In response, all others welcome a respectful space for listening intently to the speaker. Utterly beautiful ritual of communication.

In many ways, a talking stick could be equally known as a Listening Stick. No-one may answer until the talking stick is passed to them, at which point they are granted the same respect.

And so in the long nights,  as a distraction from my tinnitus and hyperacusis, I set about making a collection of talking sticks that represented the empowerment of the Earth Angel within.

My Earth Angel, Tree of Life Talking Sticks are made from driftwood that I have lovingly collected from Cei Bach, my favourite beach here in West Wales and are the very bones of a Fallen Tree who became the centre focus in one of my stories from my new anthology Earth Angel: Stories to Inspire, which is currently with the Editor.

The driftwood bones are wrapped in Llanwennog wool, spun from sheep that I can see from my home studio, on the distant green hills. The wool is hand dyed in the colours of the autumn coastline.

Each piece has woven into it, a Tibetan Silver Tree of Life charm to give gratitude to the magnificence of trees and their constant gift of breath.

As I was making them, it dawned on me that each one is not only a talking stick but a magic wand, for in re-birthing the broken parts of a fallen tree, so I was re-building the broken parts of myself.

Earth Angel, Tree of Life Talking Sticks are now available at my Quiet Space Studio Facebook Shop. 



They come with a hand printed & hand written information card and are wrapped with paper that I have infused with Frankincense Essential Oils. If you would like more details, please click the link & come on over to my Quiet Space Studio Shop  ...

It's the little things

I know it seems like such a small thing, but yesterday I took delivery of my new little cards for my friendship bracelets and it really has made my aching heart sing. 

To be honest, it's been a bit of a tough week. My hyperacusis kicked in really badly 2 days ago. It is even difficult to type today as the sound of the keys are amplified so loud. The tough thing is there is nothing I can do about it other than be still and trust that it will calm down again. I have had to take out my hearing aid as it is making it worse. Even though I feel like the lights have been turned off, I just have to breathe and accept that this pathway is up and down with ebb and flow. 

Meanwhile, the postman turns up with my little envelope seals and it makes me smile so much that it doesn't matter that everything is distorting in my head.

Holistic creativity is the key to living life with a smile, even when smiling is at its' furthest from your heart. 

New Mentor Package for Tinnitus Sufferers

It has been a difficult 9 months coming to terms with hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but from the outset, it felt very important to write about my healing pathways,  so that I could help others. 

Working from my diaries, I have written a Tinnitus Mentoring Course and tonight, I have been in the studio for the first time since losing my hearing, to record what will be Earth Angel Tinnitus.

It is made up of Four Arts & Holistic Therapy Mentor Sessions. I have nearly 30 years of experience in writing Arts & Health Training Packages as an Arts Consultant and am a qualified Sound Therapist, as well as Reiki Practitioner. This professional background, combined with my personal experience of hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis, sit well together in one CD package that supports others in coming to terms with their condition and helps them to create a nurturing environment within which to heal.

Tonight, I have recorded the Introduction and Mentor Session One with the loving support of my lifelong creative partner, Jeff Beer who sound engineers for me and is upstairs now mixing down the first recording, bless him.

If you are interested in pre-ordering a copy of the CD once is it is finished feel free to drop me a line at earthangeltinnitus@gmail.com

Hearing Stories

Earlier this week, I had a visit from Rosemary Jones at Quiet Space Studio & Gallery. She is with Pentrecwrt WI. She called in to say 'hello' and had seen my sign on the door regarding my hearing.

We had a lovely chat about her life as a hearing impaired person. Rosemary explained what it was like when she first went deaf at 6 years old and as she told me her story, I had an idea.

I asked Rosemary if she would kindly allow me to record her story to start a new multi media project which will be based at my Quiet Space website. 

'Hearing Stories'  will explore the life experiences of people who live with hearing loss; how it happened, how they felt, how they came to terms with it and what their life is like now, giving a voice to our hidden disability.

Rosemary has her first hearing aid from her childhood and she had planned to bring it in today for me to photograph it but she couldn't find it. She told me that was will pray to St.Anthony who apparently is the patron Saint of Lost Causes and can help to find things. I have every faith that it will turn up before next Tuesday when Rosemary is coming back to do the interview.

Isn't is amazing how the Universe is bringing me exactly the right people. 

Mastering the Art of Thresholds

 One of the interesting things about being at Quiet Space Studio & Gallery is that folk tend to peer in the window, see me, we smile, then they come to the door but they do not come in.

I literally have to stand up from my chair and verbally invite them to step into the studio. Once in, they do not wander around, nor read any of the poems that I have installed on the wall. It's almost as if they feel they are imposing.

My friend Prue reminded me of the importance of thresholds. So, I have begun a series of what are essentially drama and iconography experiments to see if there is a change to the way people access the space.

All of this is great R&D for my first exhibition for the release of my Anthology The Beauty of Decay at the end of the Summer.

In response to this, I have installed a mobile of feathers and parts of the poem Earth Angel Tinnitus, alongside the poem in the floating frame on the wall. In the frame above the poem, some more floating feathers. 

I will sit with this for a while and see how folk respond when they come in. 

I have also ordered some prints of a photo shoot that I did with a pair of angel wings. The feathers are from these wings. However, I would like to give the viewer space to think, rather than say 'Look! Look here's a picture of an angel!' 

I am hoping the mobile will draw them over to the poem, they will read the poem fragments on the mobile and as a result go the poem on the wall.

Twice today I have offered to do a reading of the poem to visitors. This has worked really well. 

It was quiet a big thing for me. I have not been able to 'peform' nor even do a reading comfortably in the 9 months without hearing or hearing aid because I can not hear my voice and consequently, I lose a sense of rhythm ... I can't focus on the piece because I am focussed on the ricidulously loud sounds in my head, which block out my voice. But with the hearing aid, I can hear myself over the tinnitus. It is absolutely wonderful. I can hear every word that I am saying and so, doing a reading is absolutely possible again, even enjoyable.

I have started thinking of new ways to disrupt the space.

This evening Jeff came over and we moved all the furniture round but I didn't like it. I suppose it is a toss up between having the space in  a position that suits me as a studio when I am working and then wanting to change it to make it an exhibition space that engages others to come in. I think this maybe the only option when the time comes to launch the exhibition. But I will keep on experimenting. After all, that's the fun of it.

Stepping into the light

This photograph is of the inside of a tree that has been chopped down in our woods. You can see how old she was by all the rings and cracks but in editing this image, these crevices are where the light comes in. The light is shining through my cracks this week and I am stepping into it with a lightness of heart. I have my new hearing aid & it really is a miracle. Every time I hear something that I have missed, I weep with joy, write poems about it and sing in my heart so that my whole body dances within. When I put the hearing aid on, it is as if someone has turned the light on.

In 3 months, I go back to audiology and if things have gone well, I get the 2nd one. I can't wait.

My tinnitus is much less noticeable when I have it on and built into it there is a tinnitus surpressor. Off course, I have to take it off at night but I have been given tinnitus supressors to put into my pillow. I haven't tried them yet but I will let you know how I get on.

Off course, now that I can hear my own voice in my head, I have been singing. I didn't think I would ever hear my voice again. When I sing now, I can feel it in every single cell of my body.

I could list a 1000 things that have touched me since getting this amazing piece of technology, but instead I will pluck up the courage to record the poems that I have written and share them with you because they say everything and more.

If you have hearing difficulties, please get some help because truthfully, my hearing aid has given me back my quality of life.

In search of a heart centred way to run an internet business

So here I am, dealing with my new home-based lifestyle, tailored around my hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis, having a wonderful time writing all manner of things in my little garden shed, like my new book, my Guided Meditation CD and a new idea called Bespoke Fairytales for folk getting married ...  

But hand on heart, I am wondering how on earth I will make a living that can actually pay the rent, given that I am struggling to cope, even in small groups of people. Although I am hoping this will get better when I receive my hearing aids, my life style is almost the polar opposite to what it was before this change and the ongoing complications with my hearing. How on earth am I going to bring my heart centred work to the world in a way that feels morally right and earns me an income?

And then I realise that my route to the world is potentially right here, literally at my finger tips. The Internet. 

So, I start paying a little more attention to the plethora of men and women, who can not wait to tell me everyday on my facebook feed, how to make a living on the internet, as long as I click the link, sign up to their this, subscribe to their that and I think actually, no, there has to be another way to reach people on the internet, an open- hearted and loving way that has a sense of purpose, of making positive change to the world, that focuses on making a difference rather than making millionaires. 

And this now, is the basis of my market research, finding examples of open, heart centred ways of taking my creativity to market. 

When I find some examples I will share them because I am surely not alone in thinking that there has to be a more loving way to share our work and earn a living online.

My deaf bionic ears

Waking up one day with partial hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis is a very strange phenomenon. Though I can barely hear you talk to me, if you drop cutlery or clank plates, it will sound to me, like dustbin lids clashing.

On the one hand, I have bionic ears that can literally hear a pin drop in the next room and yet will need to watch your lips and ask you to slow down on the phone to hear you.

The reasons for this are speculated to be because the brain sometimes over-compensates for hearing loss by amplifying some sounds. Or others believe it is because the scilia hairs next to the damaged ones are trying to help out by grabbing more sound.

I rather like the idea of having a brain clever enough to have a go at amplifying in a new way and having kind, caring scilia hairs that want to help out their friends.

Either way, I am left with this sometimes overwhelming combination of not being able to hear and yet being able to over-hear.

Once people realise I am 'hard of hearing' they tend to raise their voice to me. Then my hyperacusis kicks in and my head speakers blow. It is as if they are shouting. I can feel myself physically cringing with the pain of it.

If someone is speaking through speakers or with a projected voice, like say, a teacher in the classroom, it is as if they have a mega-phone by my ears.

So little is known about tinnitus and hyperacusis which is why boffin scientists are working very hard to try to find out more about it ...

But in the meantime, I have decided to raise awareness through my craft as a writer, blogger, meditation musician, poet, performance artist and publisher. After all, with these bionic ears, I am in very good company (see video above: wink)

The Semantics of Tinnitus & Hearing Loss: Diagnosis

Consultant: We have had the test results back and the reason why you have developed severe tinnitus is because you are going deaf.

Me: Pardon?

Consultant: You are substantially losing your hearing, we will need to do an MRI brain scan.

I didn't hear anything he said after that because my mind was a blur with the words 'losing your hearing'  'going deaf' and 'brain scan'.

Today, the day after, I have been thinking about the semantics of his words.

If I am 'losing my hearing' ... the word losing sounds as if my loss is ongoing, like there's a hole in my bucket that I can not fix and the water is going to keep leaking out until there's nothing left. 

'Going deaf' ... sounds like I have boarded a train with no stops until I can hear nothing at all.

As a musician, a songwriter, a community artist, a storyteller, a person whose life is defined through sound, I might have preferred him to tell me how much hearing ability I still have and for how long, what I can do to care for my hearing, rather than how my hearing loss is ranked.

Even if I bite the realistic bullet and think in terms of loss, saying 'I have lost some of my hearing' ... at least gives me a sense of hope, alluding to the fact that I have quite a bit of hearing left and might not lose anymore.

And then there's the nightmare of living forever with this tinnitus. 

'There is no cure for it' the Consultant tells me as a fait accompli. 

I couldn't find the strength to tell him that since the onset of tinnitus and hyperacusis last September, in the long wait for this appointment, I am already in the throws of extensive research into alternative therapies, nutrition, psychological re-training and counselling. They may not cure me, but they are healing, indeed. 

Neither did I mention how 3 times a week I chant at a temple for healing, nor that I tip toe barefoot in the stream opposite our house ... these things were not part of the medical discourse yesterday.

My over-riding feeling is that I need to be still, button down the hatches and re-group. I need to learn how to reach out and ask for the help I need (which is even difficult to type let alone do!)

In a moment of weakness, I let slip my pain on facebook and have been totally overwhelmed by the loving response from friends. It made such a difference waking up to what felt like a wave of nurturing support. A sense of 'not being alone' on this journey. Thank you. It is this that prompted me to blog today.

Please, look after your ears.